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Monday, December 17, 2012

Anonymous Mom - School Violence and The "Herd" Socieity

[ From Facebook - reprinted with Permission ]

By "Anonymous Mom"...

I’m so tired of fighting the herd. 

If those people knew or even tried to understand how much I’d love to be able to just put my kids into school for my own sanity some days because of the noise level, or I just don’t want to deal with another question of why is…… 

I love my children, I do, but it is tremendously difficult to have one income I get that.  You know that. You do it too. It’s not about luck. It’s about making sacrifices so your child can grow up.  Just that, grow up.  Growing up right is just an added bonus these days, I guess. Lucky for you that your girls are old enough where you can work some. I don’t begrudge you that, btw, you have more mom time in than I do, so you get the benefit of older children. 

Doing the right things is always going to be more difficult than doing what isn’t right.

I can’t help but wonder how many parents in Newtown were happy on Friday that their baby did inconvenience them by being sick and unable to go to school. 

I don’t think parents love their children any less, I just think they have fucked up priorities.  My sister-in-law's income pays for the house, the cars, all the bills, the groceries and all the other stuff.  Her husband won’t stay home with their three boys because he doesn’t want to do it. He’d rather have a relative help pay for daycare because his paycheck doesn’t cover all of the expense for it. 


He is creating a bill that costs them more money so he can work.  Yep, that’s a bit of gender bending, but there is more to it than that. It’s single mothers and single fathers and the needed double income to sustain a family to “modern” standards. No one wants to hear the truth because they have to stop and think and do something that might be difficult. 

Of course the messenger always gets trampled.

The herd is big and the herd is mean and schools teach children to be one of the herd.  Our kids have what should be rated R lives because of bullying!  That’s fucked up.  Maybe, possibly, I could understand it IF and that’s a big IF, the social pressure was used to make them be better people, but it’s not. It’s about fashion and who’s having sex and who is using what chemical substance, but you can’t even count on a good bully to egg a child into being stronger than s/he could have been without the bully there.

Nope, it’s about making people conform to BAD behavior.  Our generation that is starting to run this country was turned out by the same failing education system that now traps our kids.  Violence in schools is down from the 1990s, BUT, social violence is up and so is school massacres.   Maybe I am a bit warped and think boys having a fist fight in the halls a little more often is better than children dying in an environment that should be safe is better.  I know exactly why our education system is failing.

It’s parents. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made the teachers in the girls’ school whimper and smile at the same time.  They hate that I hold them completely accountable for how they educate my child, but they are also thrilled that a parent is so actively involved in their education.  There are sooooo many different options for child education these days. 

Hardcore homeschooling which I am not brave enough to do yet. Cyber schooling, Co-op schooling.  Charter schools, private schools, and of course public schools.  It is not logical with all of the “family friendly” legislation for business and education options that we cannot privately come-up with a better education solution that can be adopted on a public scale, even if it means going back to one room school houses where 1 teacher teaches their block of students in a private, more secure place. 

We have options and educations to come up with a better way, but it’s inconvenient and hard to make the changes.  Everyone takes the criticism of the system of parents, teachers, faculty and government personally when it’s not personal.  It makes me sick.  And I do feel like it’s our version of the Hunger Games. How many kids can be killed this time to keep our attention focused on gun laws so that we can’t focus on how we are all failing our kids.

No parent is perfect.  It’s just not possible.  Some make better decisions and choices than others, but we should be allowed to stand up and point our fingers (even though it is rather rude to do so) and say MORON when someone is being a moronic parent that puts the rest of our kids at risk.  Peer pressure is not always a bad thing, but we don’t harness the good it can do anymore and only focus on the bad.  It works for adults just as much as it does for children.

We’re all pressured into looking the other way unless it’s something the authorities can be called into handle.

God bless my youngest, she’s only 9 right now and can get away with telling a parent they are letting their child behave like fool. 

Usually in the form of (really loudly) “Mama, why are they letting their kid behave like that?” 

So innocent and yet so effective. Both of us get compliments on how well behaved and how mature our children are.  Why?  Because we parent them. I don’t get why this is such a difficult concept to understand. 

My sister has her boys up at 6AM every morning.  They are out the door by 7, she doesn’t see them again until 6 and boys go to bed at 8.  On Saturday she leaves them with the husband’s’s family (the one with the 12-year-old in counseling for violence in day care) to run errands, and then on Sunday she and her husband sit obsessively focused on their phones while expecting the other children to watch hers so she can get a much needed break from having to run around all week and work 40-60 hours depending on the week.

I can’t think most of America is much different than that.  She IS mainstream America down to her little toes. She lives it and breathes it and loves it and thinks she’s being a good parents only seeing her kids three hours of the day. 


Couple that with high stakes testing. 

Poor discipline in schools, because you know, my little angle would NEVER do anything wrong.  ::SNORT::

They are children. 

They do most things wrong until they are taught to be better. 

No moral values (I don’t think all morals should be taught in school, but you know, the basics, don’t steal, don’t hit, be fair, blah, blah, blah) there are universal morals everyone can agree on, even Christians and Atheists. Don’t kill your fellow student. Don’t prey on the weak. 

We can all agree these are wonderful things to be taught, but dear God, there is hell to pay if a school tries to enforce it.  Too much emphasis on shitty self-esteem when a good dose of learning how to gain self-respect would be better.  All kids are good at something. Help them find their talents and build on those. Not everyone needs every course taught in school to be well rounded.  They need to be focused into doing jobs they are talented at.  Schools USED to be that way, but now it’s all focus on getting into college where a growing percentage of those kids in college will not find a job that is able to pay off the loan for their education.  It was never like that before, but here we are now hailing education like it’s some kind of inanimate savior. It’s not. Knowledge is a tool to have a better life, nothing more.

I know, I am ranting again, but everything in our country is so fucked up and it’s because of a faulty education system which includes EVERYTHING. Kids learn from EVERYTHING.  ADD and ADHD are a joke.  I’d be bouncing off the walls too if I only got 1 half hour break during 8 hours of school time. 

I can’t focus worth shit on something I don’t enjoy. 

We over medicate and over educate our kids to the point it’s all just useless.

Yes, SOME kids need to be medicated. Some people need a shit ton of education for the field they want to be in, but I’d settle for the cashier at the grocery store to be able to do basic math when handing me change in case the power goes out and she had to figure it out without a computer telling her what the change is.  My own child’s issues have taught me SO much about how, why, and who is failing our kids.  It’s appalling how many things slip through at the smallest level, and it’s just devastating when something heinous hits the news about more children dead.

Yes, there will always be guns.

There will always be bad people. 

People are always going to die in mass murders.

It is a part of life and is something children need to learn about and how to handle, and how to cope with, but they should not go to school fearful they won’t come home alive. But we accept this. 

How can we expect the next generation to be better than us when we allow them to be traumatized like this?  Hell, when we allow us adults to be traumatized by this. 

Armed security firms at schools is a HORRIBLE idea. 

Sooner or later it will be get “education camps” out of something like that and the state really will own our children. 

I attended a school with armed guards, police presence, security cameras, having to go through metal detectors and being frisked by guards if the suspected you MIGHT have something you shouldn’t have.

All privacy is gone. 

Lockers can be searched at the will of the school without any kind of warrant. 

Schools already have the power to keep your children from you if they are in a state of emergency.

It only gets worse and the best way to fight that is to lawfully remove yourself and your children from the situation. 

My youngest gets in trouble for talking (IMing) her friends in class.

Their lives are normal.

They just don’t go to a public school. 

There should be no stigma attached to that, but there is.

Like somehow all homeschooling parents live in a one room shack up in the mountains with their rifles ever at the ready just in case one of them tries to get us. 


I had an adult tell me that she has more adult conversation with my kids than she does with most adults. 

They are polite, helpful, kind, caring, well behave, well-educated and well socialized people. It can be done, if you are willing to make the tradeoffs. 

Too few people are willing to do it because it’s not convenient for their life plan.

It just pisses me off.  My girls probably would be in school  if I’d have never attended the high school I attended. 

I’d probably have less strong opinions on what to do about the problem with our education system, but I did go to a school where there was gun violence and I also saw the weapons kids got passed the security. 

The next step is to literally have schools like a prison, only, prisoners get more time outside during the day and have the freedom to use the toilet when they need to use it. We don’t need more security, we need more parents to push back against the herd until it starts running in a better direction.  Too bad it’s easier for them to adopt the bad aspects of society than it is for them to adopt the harder, better ones.

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