My Quantized Life...

Mugs, R2, Kylie, and Bully

Quantization is the processes of breaking things up into small units.  Quanta were first described in physics in the 10930's by Neils Bohr as a way to talk about how atoms emitted energy.  Basically things that are heated up do not in fact cool smoothly but rather cool in small jumps - the jumps being caused by things like electrons moving from one energy level down to another.

But that's not  what this is about.

I often work from home and, when doing so, have to deal with quantization of a much different sort.

We have many dogs - four and a half of which live in the house with us (some participate in the daily grind only superficially).  They range from the tiny "R2" to Mugs (whom I have written about before in "Mugs and the Vet") to the giant English Mastiff "Kylie" to the professional Russian pissing dog "Bully".

I have found that much of my daily at-home existence is quantized by complex and intricate interaction of four and a half dogs worth of bowel and bladder cycles.  Each dog, of course, operates on their own cycle of eating, drinking and having to go out.  But my life is regulated by the synchronicity of the alignment of these cycles from moment to moment.

"R2", for example, (who is named after "R1" and not the Star Wars character) has a body which operates like fine Swiss clockwork.  At precisely 7:30 AM each morning he awakens to be let out.  At precisely 8:25 AM he has to go out again.  Beyond that he might go out once or twice more until dinner time (which for all of the inside dogs is 11:30 PM).  He goes out once after dinner and then to bed.

(11:30 or later being the only time, given our schedule, when we can be sure that we will not leave a house full of recently fed dogs alone for many hours unattended.)

So "R2" is about as maintenance free as they come.

"Mugs", on the other hand, always has to go out.  Starting at 11:30 PM after dinner, then at 2:50 AM, then at 8:30 AM, then at 9:30 AM, then at noon, then at 5:00 PM, then at 7:00 PM.  Mugs is efficient with his business and does not like to be kept waiting at the door on his return.

"Kylie", like Mugs goes out as often as possible: 9:00 AM, 9:30 AM, 10:00 AM, 10:30 AM, and so on.

Kylie is also camera shy (why, I cannot even guess) so you never get to see the front of her.   But then Kylie only comes inside after "going out" if I go out the door, turn left, then right and "wave her in" to the door - sort of like a ritual dance.  She spends a lot of time patrolling for ground hogs, crow, deer and chew toys taken outside before last winter.

(Now, fortunately for us both Kylie and R2 work hard to prevent "horse attacks" from the neighboring horse farm.  Apparently the horses have the potential for attack at any time of the day or night - requiring one or more of the dogs to place themselves between the horses in their field and the house.  Loud barking and baying also helps to keep away the nasty horses...)

And last, but certainly not least, is "Bully".

Through some miracle of biology Bully has a full quart-sized bladder.  However, nature - always the trickster, accomplished this by overlapping the space for Bully's stomach with his prestigious bladder, i.e., only one can be full at any given time.  Bully, after three full outside trips in the morning to completely empty his bladder can last until at least 5:00 PM if not longer before having to go out again.

The only real problem is that Bully hates to go out side unless absolutely necessary.  Like Gandhi, Bully practices "passive resistance" to the mere thought of going out unless he needs too.

"Bully, do you have to go out?" I say.

Bully sits down indicating no.  Which is fine.  Except that Bully willingly agrees to go out only when his bladder is within 3-drops of full (I guess another miracle of biology).  Then he has to go "now" - literally running to the door which, if I don't arrive ahead of him to open, may impede his success.

Sadly he doesn't always make it - dribbling all the way to the door on occasion.  If he won't go out before eating he is unable to finish his dinner before hitting the limit.  I have to watch him carefully - if he stops in mid-bowl and heads for the door I have to run ahead and clear the way to get him out in time.

(The speculation is that "Bully" worked his way out of a Siberian subsistence living by winning "bladder emptying" contests in local bars, turning professional, and coming to the US...)

But back to quantization.

Now, if you overlay all of these cycles you find that during the morning hours I am getting up to let someone in or out every paragraph (or sentence).

Thus my own activities, as husband, the blogger or professional software writer, are quantized down to points where every dogs bladder is simultaneously empty, i.e., no more than a few minutes pass without interruption of some sort.  (Of course, a stray UPS, Fedex or well-tender man really sets things off.)

Since all the bladders fill at different rates I am left with a "quantized life" - things, like email, phone calls, software development, blogging, etc. all must be broken down into sub-tasks which can be accomplished in a few minutes - at least before lunch.  (And that does not count other demands, such as petting.)

I have found that peanut butter stuffed bones, frozen solid, can buy just enough time to get organized in the morning.

After lunch some of us go "upstairs" to work.  During this time there is a general serendipitous synchronicity of bladder cycles (and hence in the quantization) until about 5:30 or 6:00 PM - when things pick up until dinner.

Oops!  I have to run...