(First of all I make no claim to be an expert in any of this nor am I an expert in talent. This post is the result of personal observation over many years.)
When talking about talent, especially in with the young, the most important thing to do is to separate the aspirations of the parents from the ability of the child. Many parents seem to want their child to be some sort of prodigy - most likely to fulfill their own desires as much as anything else. They see a talented child as opposed to a talented child.
Over the last 35 or so years I have had little use for aspiring parents of seemingly talented children. (Please help
So what's a truly talented child look like? Is he the youngest guitar wiz ever on youtube?
Perhaps, but I doubt it.
Instead, I perceive "talent", particularly in a child, as a small burning "ember" of ability that sets them apart from what most other children can do. In the case of music this might be the ability to tease out the notes of a song on some instrument. In the case of programming or computers it might be the ability to piece together some impressive Lego MindStorm robot or hack something on the home computer.
And remember, we are talking here about talent here - not genius. If little Suzy is writing full piano concertos at age 11 she's probably a musical genius. If little Johnny can add up one hundred five digit numbers in his head at age 4 he's probably a mathematical genius. But genius is not the same as talent. Genius is, in my experience, not a burden you really want placed on your child.
(A properly developed "talent" will give someone a lifetime career or a lifetime of fun and enjoyment. Don't destroy that opportunity for a child.)
Parents often confuse "talent" with "genius" in their rush to turn their child into a prodigy. And this is often the worst thing you can do for you child because the end result is the child become disillusioned with their gift at an early age because of the pressure brought to bear by the parents or other adults.
Another problem a talented child faces is "lessons" - often in music. The poor tot exhibits some inclination for this or that and whammo - they are going to "piano lessons" twice a week and practicing under the whip of mom or dad every day. There is nothing better for discouraging a child than to take something they have an innate interest in and make it an unbearable chore.
Talent does not necessarily include desire or ability. I may be talented with music but my hands may not be coordinated enough to play an instrument - particularly when I am young. I may be incredibly talented as a musician but I may be innately lazy so no amount of prodding gets me to practice.
Parents often believe that talent implies desire and ability - it does not - particularly in small children and teenagers where their physical and mental development are not in sync.
I think the most important thing a parent can do for a child with some small ember of "talent" is to create an environment where the child can grow that ember into a small flame on their own. Does six year old little Johnny like to bang the pots and pans along with the radio? Don't buy him a $1,000 drum set (if you want one then man-up and buy one for yourself, don't use little Johnny as an excuse).
Take him to the second hand music store and let him wander around. If you buy him anything spend $15 dollars on something he likes - not something you like. If he loses interest in an hour or a day or a week, take it back to the store.
(In today's society we often tend to want to provide the child everything we think they need, i.e., the drum set. If, on the other hand, the kid has to make do at home without the drum set he may actually learn much more on his own. The modern drum set is the culmination of 10,000 years of human musical development - plopping it down in front of him takes away from his learning. By not allowing the kid to develop with what he has at hand is to rob him of experiencing the full path to playing the drums. Sure, at some point he will need a real drum set, but not when he's six...)
Let Johnny dictate to you what his interests are. Make sure, if he likes to bang pots and pans, that he gets time to do it every day. Listen to the songs he likes. Pay attention to what he does on the computer.
As an adult you may find the pots and pans banging annoying and hard on your ears. But remember that as little Johnny does it he is developing his motor skills, his hearing, his hand and ear coordination, he is learning about rhythm, he is experimenting with sound. If you take these things away from little Johnny at six the ember will grow cold.
Let little Johnny decide when he's ready for the next step - generally kids will find things that they like to do on their own. They may lose interest in their talents for days, months or years - this is normal. Maybe their body needs to catch up with their mind, or vice versa, and so engaging in their interests becomes difficult. They may discover the opposite sex. Anything. Don't force them or the ember may go out permanently.
Don't disrupt the child's play - as with the pots and pans. They have to learn on their own.
As the child grows into a teenager you can start thinking about creating more opportunities for the child to explore their interests. Find the child a mentor, not a "teacher".
A mentor has successfully grown up to do whatever it is that little Suzy or Johnny likes to do - they know the score, they know the pitfalls, they've done it themselves. They more than likely know what's going on in the kids head and know how to guide him or her without poisoning their interests and extinguishing the ember.
Find one that can relate to the kid - not to you. A skilled mentor will know how to motivate your child and will know what steps to take next.
Don't spend money on a "teacher" - a teacher makes a living expounding on "what the book says to do".
Should I send my kid to college for music? Maybe - maybe not.
Making a career in music is difficult and putting yourself or your kid in debt for 20 years for music might not be the best thing to do.
Don't expect Mozart or Gauss.
Instead expect to give your child a gift that will last a lifetime.
If your child loves music he or she will find time on their own to invest in their love.
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